My life is beautiful. It is a long road. In my journey, i know i was born to do something and achieve something. I was born to educate and to achieve a lot of things. Not only for my sake, but for others so they can learn. Also, to glorify Him.
My journey is very interesting. Sometimes i go through difficult times. I cry, i struggle, but i push myself not to give up. I count my risk, stay strong, focus on my outcome and i know i am not alone. I have God who always be with me. I am not giving up. No, no way. When i stumble, i get back up again because i know who i lived for.
There are days when i feel so dumb. Freaking dumb. But i dont give up, i keep learning. Yes i am dumb, but if i dont give up, i will be smart later. Yes, i know nothing but if i dont give up i will know later.
There are times when i feel like i am alone. I have no resources, have no money and have no courage to take over the obstacle. Yes, my inferior times. I have no confidence to face my future that seems so bleak. I pray to God, why my dreams are so far ahead. God, my hand are not long enough to reach it! Holy father, is it even possible to get them? I am just a little girl who has no resources. In my mind, i say, " What if?" I ask, what if my parents are rich? I will step more then i am now. What if i got a better colleague? I will have more idea and do more wonderful things. These stones are annoying. God, you know i love to run. I move fast, i work hard, and i love to learn. If i keep meeting obstacles like this, i dont know whether i can achieve Your purpose in me or not.
Then God reminds me some points.
If He gives me so much easyness, i won`t be me. I won`t have a strong heart and hardworking. My character won`t grow, my mind won`t be sharp, my heart won't be humble. Yes, that is right. He never promised to spoil me. He promised me to be with me everywhere I go. My heavenly father will be there and understand my language of tears. He will strengthen me, and along my journey i am understand that is the most important thing. Not a good background, not money, not fame, not talent, but Him and my eagerness to learn in His way.
If He gives me perfect talents. Then i wont know how hard it is to learn and discipline myself. I wont have an emphaty to help my students who has difficulty in learning. I would belittle anyone because i can do everything easily and they don`t. I won`t need Him anymore, because i can do everything easily. There is no more dependency to Him.
If i was born rich. Then i wont know how hard it is to learn money. i wont understand how hard my parents work for me in order to get education. Then i wont value the education itself. I wont be eager to learn in every little chance i have. I wont know how is it feel to work 12 hours everyday and study till the morning to stay in school. I know, yes i know, later my students wont be all rich, some of them may be poor. That time, i will stand by them and say " Hey, i had ever been in your position. Cheer up pals! You have God, stay strong, do your best, and you will overcome!", " Hey, come on, it is okay to work alongside the school. No need to be shy, focus on your outcome and say strong, you will overcome."
If my family weren`t so demanding. Then i wont know about standard. Then i wont take my life seriously. Maybe i will become one of those kid, spending their life for useless things. I wont understand that the most important thing in education is not acknowledgement from your parents. The most important things is to know, and to be a better person. Maybe i will easily give up when people dont acknowledge my work. Maybe i wont used to do my best. I wont know how precious it is to see my parents smile when i got medals and scholarships. Then i will be one of those, grumpie kids who can`t stand again humiliation and hardships. We are living together with people who is hard to please. We are living in a world who talks a lot about standards and achievement. I am grateful because i get to learn how to adapt in this difficult world. Because my family is demanding, later i know what to say to my depressed students with demanding family. I will say, " The core of learning is not acknowledgement, it is not merely pleasing others, dear. It is for you to become a better person. I know that it is exhausting going through something like this, but don`t give up. You will see a light in the darkness"
If people don`t break me down, then i wont know how to get back up. I wont know how to stand again even if i cry. I wont know how to say, " Yes, you can beat me up, but i will fight back" I will do my best to keep the most important thing and learn to let go. Let go let go let go.
If my life were easy and perfect, i am merely a stone and not a gold. Because gold endures much hardships and pressures. Till the end it becomes so pure, and shiny. Even time can`t beat it. My life is beautiful, even my darkest days are beautiful.
My journey is still long. Along the way i find that life is fun. I can learn something everyday. I become a better person. I know how to do something that i dont know before. I gain so much qualities that i dont have before. I can educate others and be an inspiration. Along the way i pick a lot of flowers of lesson and God prepared me to achieve His purpose. I am not afraid anymore. I dont give up. I will run and run and run with Him, to enjoy my life and makes my life a meaningful one. My life is beautiful and i am grateful for that.